Furnace of Affliction

I'm going to attempt something here... I'm going to start to journal, although not tell anyone about it.  And seeing how no one really knows about this blog, it may be just You and me, God.  Which is fine... in fact that's how it usually is.

Not sure which direction this will go... it may be a recap of the day's events and a daily prayer offered.  Or it may be something more along the psalms of David, who poured his heart out to You during good and bad.  I'm not the musician David was, but I love you Lord and am after Your heart.  And it was You who gave me this love for writing, just as you gave David his love for music.  So "hear" my words and listen to my heart and be warmed by my presence.

Jesus, what are trying to say to me over the last few months?  So many trials, so much physical pain, so much mental anguish... James 1:5 says to ask for wisdom in the midst of testing and You will give generously.  So what are You trying to impart to me?  I feel this goes beyond endurance (James 1:3).  I look at everyone else I know and feel each one of them has an easier life than me.  From a demanding job to a demanding family life to physical ailments (probably all related), I feel I have no energy left for anything else.  It's like I'm just existing and enduring, and rarely ever enjoying and embracing.  And yet I wouldn't change anything b/c I know You're above all of this and in control and purposing for something grander.  But it's only during times like these in the middle of the night sitting in my closet that I ever understand that You are with me always (Matt 28:20).  The rest of the time, like I said, I feel like I'm just existing.

'Be still and know that I am God' (Psalm 46:10).

Lord, thank You for that word.  Bring stillness to my life.  This is where wisdom and revelation come.  In the day, I will endure.  In the night, I will enjoy Your Presence.  And know You.

I long for deeper intimacy, Father, and pray for a rekindling of a continuous dialogue and revelation with You.

It is only a precious few on this earth who are invited to this level of intimacy and who genuinely know You as a result.  Too many have turned aside from the Way (Ex 3:8).  Or the Path has proved too narrow.  Or the Cross has grown too heavy.

Lord, I now realize the purpose to the last few months of trials... You knew I would be praying this prayer on July 19, 2009, and like You so often do, You began answering this prayer months before I even asked...

These trials are Your device to bring me closer to You.  For You God are a consuming fire (Deut 4:24), and in the furnace of affliction You test us (Is 48:10).  And though we walk in this fire, we are not burned (Is 43:2, Dan 3:27), but instead as Daniel showed to the world, when we are in the fire You appear and walk in our midst (Dan 3:25).

Lord, I pray that in the midst of the fire I can be still and see You standing beside me, so I can know You deeper as a result.      In Your Name Jesus, Amen.